My Testimony

    Whoever is reading this, I pray you are blessed and doing well. This blog will be about…My Testimony. Where do I start? I guess the beginning. When I was younger I knew about God because of my mom. Growing up I saw my mom reading her Bible daily and praying. We went to church on Sundays and Bible study on Wednesdays. I also remember getting baptized at a young age as well. My mom taught me about faith and Jesus. My dad was in the picture but he was the opposite. He believed in God but he didn’t go to church with us and he didn’t read the Bible either.          

     Fast-forward to the year 1998 my mom got sick and she wasn’t doing well. I remember praying to God to heal my mom and I was hopeful she was going to get better.            

     Unfortunately on February 15, 1999, my mom passed away. She was only 54 years old when she passed, and I was only 21 years old. I was devastated and didn’t know how I was going to go on through life without my mom. I was upset with God because he didn’t answer my prayer. I didn’t understand why she had to die. My mom was a God-fearing woman and had a strong faith in God.

    My dad and I were not close at all. I was closer to my mom. She was not only my mom, but my best friend. After my mom passed my Faith in God started to dwindle, and quite honestly I shut God out. I started looking for love in all the wrong places. I got into relationships with the wrong men and was having sex.                  

    Growing up my dad didn’t show me love the way I felt a dad should have loved his daughter. I remember him saying negative things for the most part and I don’t remember him saying I Love you. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough. So I also believe my actions of looking for love stemmed from that as well.

    In December of 2000, I found out I was pregnant. I was disappointed in myself because I felt like I messed up. In September of 2001, I had my son.  I know the sexual act was a sin but having my son gave me a brighter outlook on life. Before I had my son I was depressed about losing my mom. Plus I didn’t have any siblings to help me through it. I am an only child by my parents. After I had my son, I knew I had someone that depended on me to care for him. So I had to get out of my depressed state. To this day having my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is my sunshine and a blessing from God. My love for my son and caring for him helped me get through losing my mom.

     Let’s fast forward again to my mid-30s. My faith in God has gotten a little better but I still wasn’t living right. I had a boyfriend at the time and we were living together. I wasn’t praying regularly or reading the Bible, and I wasn’t putting God first. During our relationship, I just knew we were going to get married. We even talked about marriage. During that relationship I got pregnant. We were so happy! We found out we were going to have a baby boy.

     But once again, tragedy hit again in my life. One week before my scheduled C-section I went to the ER because I was concerned about my baby not moving as much. The doctor checked, and I was told my baby had no heartbeat. My baby had passed away. I only had one more week to go but he didn’t make it. He was 8 lbs. 1 oz. he looked like he was sleeping when I held him. I lost my mom a few years back and now I have lost a child. Once again, I had to deal with grief and depression again. About three years passed and the relationship with my boyfriend ended. We were together for 4 1/2 years and he broke up with me. We had been through so much together, and I was heartbroken.        

      While going through heartbreak, I found an apartment for my son and me. A couple of months have passed by and I remember sitting on my bed. I remember like it was yesterday I started talking to God and I remember telling God I can’t live like this anymore. Sinning against you and not living right. I said I surrender my life to you God and I asked for forgiveness for my sins. I remember waving an imaginary flag in the air saying I give up my old life. I want to start obeying you, God. I ask God to heal my pain and to comfort me from the losses I've been through. I remember telling God I am tired of living a life that’s not pleasing to you and I know that your plans for my life have to be better. That day I decided to become celibate. That was in July of 2018 and I have been celibate for almost 5 1/2 years now. One of the best decisions I have made. I also started praying to God more and throughout my day. I started reading God’s word, and I found a church home.

       Everything was going pretty well and in the year 2022, I was experiencing financial difficulties. I was looking for a job at the time and went on several interviews but nothing came from them. I went through all of my savings and I didn’t have consistent income coming in because the job I had cut a lot of my hours. My son helped but I was still stressed, worried, and frustrated. I was behind on a few of my bills and getting calls. Even though I prayed to God and continued to have faith I had moments where I was worried and overwhelmed. It was June 16, 2022, and I was feeling down about my situation. I remember like it was yesterday I began watching The Martin reunion show on TV and it was a segment of the show that blew my mind. I remember one of the cast recited the scripture. “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) That is one of my favorite scriptures in the Bible. I felt God wanted to remind me that I needed to trust him more and that he is still on the throne. God wanted me to stop stressing over my situation and remind me that he is still in control. The next thing that happened brought me to tears literally. A lady by the name of Le’Andria Johnson sang a song called Better Days.

“Sometimes it feels cold

And you feel all alone.

But hold on, better days are coming

It can be rough in this world

I know it ain't easy but hang on in there

I know better days are coming.”

      When I listened to the lyrics when she was singing it brought me to tears. God was giving me a sign that this is only a season and better days are coming. I started to have peace because I knew God was speaking to me. I was feeling so sad that morning and I felt like God had forgotten about me. But he knew when I needed to feel his presence in my life. God reminded me that day I am never alone and that he is always with me. Even through the difficult times in life, God is right there.

     And just like the song Better Days did eventually come. Thank you, Jesus!!! Within that year God blessed me with a job and I was able to catch up on all of my bills. I was able to rebuild my savings and pay off a good amount of debt. God is good all the time. That season of my life my faith in God was strengthened more than ever. Now I know why we have trials in life because how will we ever fully use our faith in God? It’s easy to trust God when everything is going good but when difficulties come that is when you have to keep your Faith and Hope in God. I’m not saying trials are easy because it’s not. But I will say this when I got to the other side and looked back over my life I knew It was nobody but God that got me through.

          Fast forward to the present day. My faith in God has grown tremendously! I have more peace in my life because I have learned to put my complete trust in God. I have more joy in my life because I know God is in control and he loves me. In the mornings I start my day praying to God and reading a devotional. I also enjoy starting my day with the youversion app. On my way to work, I enjoy listening to a Joyce Meyer podcast and I end my drive with a gospel song. I think it is very important to start your day with God because I feel it sets the tone for the rest of the day. When I go to work I am full of joy and ready to start my day. I try every single day to put God first. I still have a strong prayer life and I try to read my Bible every day.

     With everything I’ve been through in life. Grief, setbacks, depression, and heartbreak. God has been with me through it all. Even when I shut him out of my life God was still with me, and he didn’t turn his back on me. I have learned to love myself and not seek validation from a man. I know who I am now! I am God’s Daughter and I am fearfully and Wonderfully made! There is no one in this world like me and I am unique. I am also enjoying the single life. I am truly enjoying my own company and spending time with God. I will say this God has brought me a mighty long way. I am truly thankful because, without God in my life, I don’t know where I would be.

     In sharing my testimony I would like to tell the person who needs to hear this that God loves you!! God is always there to pick up the pieces of your broken life. God can heal your broken heart and you can have joy again.  I am living proof God can turn your situation around for the better. He can get you through the rough times if you let him. I am not perfect by any means, but I thank God I am not where I used to be. I have so much gratitude and God is worthy to be praised!

        If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my testimony. I pray it blesses you in some way and I pray God continues to be a blessing in your life.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 34:18

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

Page created using Blog & Page Builder by Reputon